I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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