I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
