I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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