I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
