who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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