Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
she looked like the before picture.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
