I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
