im six kinds of drunk right now
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
i think my cat just said my name.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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