my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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