And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
