Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I seem to have left my pride at pride
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Randomize
