Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
