I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
