I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
