what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
