Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
