Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
