Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
