that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
