I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
