Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
