mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
