FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
