i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
