I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
