all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
