Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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