I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
