I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
