Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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