I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I AM VODKA MAN
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
