He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Randomize
