I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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