she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
