Me too!
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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