I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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