don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
