he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
