hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
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