He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Randomize
