we're chasing vodka with high fives
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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