There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
