I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
