i'm lost and i look like a hooker
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
