A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
