I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
