I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Randomize
