I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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