covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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