when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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