its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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