note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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